What can an Elephant teach us about Empathy?
Updated: Oct 23
I have always been fascinated by the character played by Marina Sirtis in Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Deanna Troi was the ship’s empath. Yes, that was a real position on this science exploring Space vessel. Portrayed as a half-Human, half-Betazoid Starfleet officer, she served aboard the USS Enterprise-D under Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
Troi’s Betazoid heritage gave her strong empathic abilities, allowing her to sense the emotions of other people, which often helped the crew during diplomatic negotiations and first-contact situations.
What a cool idea!
And how useful would it be to have someone in the room who can read accurately what others around the table are feeling. Perhaps even thinking.
We sometimes read the word empathy or empathic to mean feeling sorry for someone. It may seem to occupy the same territory as compassion, sympathy, or pity, but empathy refers to something more specific.
Empathy might best be described as stepping into another person's shoes in an attempt to connect with their emotional reality. It requires the difficult skill of listening without judgment. A gifted empath may be able to go some way towards understanding another person's experience.
Not that we can ever fully do that.
Not like Deanna Troi.
Would you say you are a sympath (not sure there is such a word), or an empath? Or neither?
How empathic are you?
I cried at the end of E.T. when I first saw it—does that count?
I know there have been times when I have missed noticing an important cue as to a person’s well-being. Once I nearly drove a person to burnout. I thought she was being lazy, because she was falling behind on some simple tasks (with, in my view, some pretty lame excuses), when actually she was secretly carrying a personal load that had become almost unbearable for her.
It took someone else on the team to spot the signs.
I thought I had been listening, but I hadn’t been paying attention at all. I had been listening through my own assumptions.
So, what has all of this got to do with elephants?
Well… Elephants are really good listeners. Their large floppy ears take in a lot of audible information. You might say they take in the world around them.
In a different way, an empathic person might do the same thing. Take in the world around them. Observe. Listen without judgment.
So, here’s my top 5 tips about Empathy we can learn from Elephants:
1. Listen to understand not just respond. Elephants are known for their patience—they don’t rush.
2. Listen to all generations, not just the one you belong to. Elephants learn from the wisdom of older herd members and pass it on.
3. Try to make a habit of responding with care and wisdom. Elephants instinctively respond in ways that support and strengthen the herd.
4. Listen for the good of the team. Listening in the elephant herd is about protection, unity and collective well-being.
5. Try to notice what other people miss. Elephants can hear low-frequency sounds from miles away and notice subtle shifts and changes.
Empathy isn't just hearing what's being said. It's learning to notice what isn't being said.
Empathy starts when I zone out of what’s going on in my head and focus on being fully present.
And when you are more present, you can notice things you might otherwise have missed.
It is probably one of the most valuable tools in a leader’s toolkit.
……….
Put empathy into practice
Empathy begins when we stop listening through our own assumptions and start paying attention to another person's experience. It can transform our relationships, strengthen our teams and make us better leaders.
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